Shifting “Buts” & “Ands”—A Powerful Tool for ADHD Kids. Here at www.motheringtheunexpected.com and as a parent of a child with ADHD, you’re always looking for strategies that help them succeed in everyday life. From organizing schoolwork to managing emotions, a toolkit of helpful techniques is essential. One such technique that can be a game-changer for ADHD kids is the simple shift from using “but” to using “and” in their language and thinking. This small change can significantly impact how they see themselves and handle challenges.
Why shifting Buts & Ands Matter?
ADHD kids often struggle with self-esteem and can become easily frustrated when things don’t go as planned. The word “but” tends to create a feeling of limitation. It focuses on what went wrong and emphasizes the negative aspects of a situation. On the other hand, the word “and” opens up possibilities, allows room for growth and accentuates the positive.
For example:
• “I want to do well in school but always get distracted.”
• “I want to do well in school, and I get distracted sometimes.”
In the first sentence, the “but” negates the desire to do well in school, focusing entirely on the challenge; this leaves little room for solutions. In the second sentence, the “and” acknowledges the challenge while keeping the original goal intact. It invites a space where both things can exist—a desire to succeed and a challenge to overcome. This mindset is crucial for ADHD kids, who often feel their difficulties define them.
How to Teach This Technique
Here’s how you can teach your child to shift their thinking from “buts” to “and”:
1. Model It Yourself
Kids with ADHD learn best when they see behavior modeled for them. Make a conscious effort to use “and” instead of “but” in daily conversations. For example:
• “We planned to go to the park, and it’s raining, so we can find another fun indoor activity.”
• “You wanted to complete your homework on time and faced challenges, which shows you’re trying.”
2. Role-Play Scenarios
Sit down with your child and create scenarios they encounter regularly. Practice shifting the sentence from a “but” to an “and” statement. For instance:
• Scenario: “I wanted to finish my project but got distracted.”
• Shifted: “I wanted to finish my project and got distracted. I’ll try again with a timer to help me stay focused.”
3. Journal Practice
Encourage your child to keep a journal where they can write out their thoughts and practice the “and” shift. Journaling is a powerful tool for kids with ADHD, and teaching them to reframe their thoughts can help them see their strengths alongside their struggles.
4. Positive Reinforcement
Celebrate when your child successfully shifts their thinking! ADHD kids often need positive reinforcement to feel motivated, so acknowledge their efforts with praise or small rewards. Doing This builds their confidence and shows them they have control over their mindset.
The Impact of “And”
When ADHD kids learn to use “and,” they see themselves more balanced. They understand that they can struggle and still be capable, face difficulties, and have the power to make changes. The word “and” promotes flexibility, resilience, and the belief that they are more than their challenges.
Final Thoughts
Kids with ADHD often hear about their limitations, which can create a cycle of negativity. By helping them shift their mindset with this simple language trick, you’re equipping them with a powerful tool to face challenges confidently and optimistically. Remind them that their obstacles don’t define them but their courage to try, adapt, and grow.
So, start today. Practice shifting “buts” to “and,” and watch how it transforms your child’s outlook and self-esteem. This small change can create a world of difference and help them reach their full potential!
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